Recap/Review: The Real Housewives of New Jersey, S3, E17 - "Going to the Punta!" (Bikinis, Gorgeous Villas, Sex and a Fight: What Else Would You Expect?)

Air Date: Sunday, September 18, 2011, 10:00 pm ET/PT on Bravo

Rating: ★★★★★

Recap/Review: The Real Housewives of New Jersey, S3, E17 - "Going to the Punta!" (Bikinis, Gorgeous Villas, Sex and a Fight: What Else Would You Expect?) 1

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Jacqueline Laurita, Teresa Giudice, Caroline Manzo, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga -- Photo by: Tommy Garcia/Bravo

By comparison, “Get to the Punta!” is a rather tame episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey—it doesn’t have the usual drama. Instead, there are a lot of fun times and funny happenings. That is, until Teresa and Kathy go at it on the beach.

OK, I’m gonna say this up front – Joey Gorga is disgusting! Did you see him smell the crotch of Melissa’s bathing suit when she’s packing for the Punta Cana trip? I hope this vacation goes as nicely as Melissa hopes. It was her idea for everyone to go, after all. I have to laugh at Jacqueline when she shows Chris a very skimpy bathing suit and then tells him she won’t be wearing it! (Something to do with body image issues.) So, why are you packing it Jacqueline? Ashley isn’t going to Punta Cuna because she just didn’t feel like getting her passport. What? Was Jacqueline supposed to pose for Ashley’s passport picture? She doesn’t deserve a trip like that anyway.

Right off the bat there’s a problem. Teresa is missing one of her nine suitcases. Yep, you read that right. Nine. Who packs nine suitcases for one week’s vacation? To paraphrase Rich Wakile, the odds were against Teresa getting all nine suitcases. I don’t know how anyone could misplace one of her suitcases though – they’re leopard!

Can you believe Joe can’t wait until he gets to the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino to use the rest room? “Hey amigo! Could you, uh, pull over someplace? I gotta take a pee pee.” Oh no, you did not just say that, did you? You’re a grown ass man, for heaven’s sake! To make it worse, Albie, Chris Manzo and Rich follow Joe into the weeds to pee! And then Melissa says something about taking a “pee squat.” Jersey has arrived, people!

Their rooms, or should I say villas, at the Hard Rock are beautiful. The Wakiles and Gorgas are in one villa, while the Lauritas, Giudices and Manzos are in another. The view from the villas is incredible and the welcoming spread the hotel puts out looks absolutely delicious! As everyone is choosing which bedrooms they’re going to use, I could have lived without knowing Teresa and Joe won’t be having a lot of sex because she has her period. I’m not a prude, by any stretch of the imagination, but come on! TMI people! At least when everyone sits around having champagne and snacks, they all agree to putting the past behind them. Joe even promises not to hurt Joey. Well, everyone (meaning Joe and Joey) had been warned to be on their best behavior. Somehow, I don’t quite believe they will.

Albie, Chris, Greg and Lauren host a catamaran trip hoping everyone will get along. Beforehand, Teresa models the bikinis she’s brought with her. The first one, “the Gold Goddess,” consists of a cover-up made of a beaded gold material, a teeny weensy bikini in gold lamé, and gold heels. Off camera, one of the guys comments, “That didn’t even look like a bathing suit. It looked like a stripper’s outfit.” Need I say more? The second one, called “the Mermaid,” is a very similar looking bikini, but in baby blue; the third one is a cut-out one-piece that “matches the water,” Teresa explains, while the fourth one, also in blue, bears no description. The guys choose “the Mermaid” and Teresa happily prances out of the room, although she chooses to wear “the Gold Goddess” instead. In the meantime, while Albert rubs Caroline’s eyes (poor thing looks like she’s having an awful migraine), Greg predicts “Melissa’s bathing suit will be awesome.” I feel bad that Caroline won’t be going; she’ll be missing out on all the fun…HAH!

The catamaran cruise consists of a three-hour tour. I don’t think it’s going to be as much fun as Gilligan’s Island though. Although I emphasize with Jacqueline and Lauren for not wanting to take off their cover-ups with the bodies Melissa and Teresa are flaunting, it’s a shame they don’t realize their true worth. “I can’t eat ever again,” complains Jacqueline, followed by her off camera remark, “Here they are all tan on either side of me. I felt like the stuffing in the middle of an Oreo®. You know what I’m sayin? A double-stuffed one?”

On board the catamaran, Melissa and Teresa start dancing around and the guys call for a dance-off. But with Melissa and Joey dirty dancing, Teresa opts out. Joe Giudice just isn’t as much fun as Joey Gorga, ya know what I’m saying? Chris Manzo sets up a drinking game, La Cucaracha, for everyone and Joe is the first one to drink. Thankfully, no one falls in the water. Instead, the guys jump in and start playing chicken. I don’t know how Greg carries Joe on his shoulders – that man is solid muscle. So far, everyone is getting along great. I’m not holding my breath though.

The gang heads to Juanillo Beach where dinner is waiting for them. First though, they all want to wash off in the bathrooms and Joey and Melissa decide to have a little fun in the stall, if you get my drift. It’s pretty funny how Chris, Albie, Greg and Lauren find a window to watch the dirty deed!

In the meantime, the Giudices, the Wakiles and Albert Manzo are sitting on the beach when Joe brings up the restaurant he and Teresa want to open. With their lack of funds, Albert advises against it, explaining the failure rate for restaurants is 95%. Rich chimes in about his and Kathy’s decision not to go into the restaurant business because they didn’t want to sacrifice their personal time on the weekends, and Kathy says they might want to think about the time they’ll have to spend away from the girls, explaining that’s one of the reasons she decided against it. “I can’t see myself detaching myself from the kids that much. It’s a lot.” Well – that’s all Teresa needs to pick a fight. I can’t really blame her because Kathy does roll her eyes when Teresa says she’ll never be detached from her kids. However, it’s unbelievable that the conversation once again goes back to the christening and Kathy’s telling Teresa at the Posche Fashion Show, “Gia was unattended.” They go back and forth, and thankfully, Joe finally steps in and ends this madness, leading Teresa to the bathrooms to change. If you ask me, I think the younger guys were getting a kick out of the fight. I also think Teresa feels guilty about leaving Gia unattended when the fight broke out at the christening and every time Kathy says something about kids, it opens up that huge regret for Teresa.

Come back next week for the wrap-up of this vacation in Punta Cana and to see if things get resolved. It’s impossible to tell from the promo whether Teresa and Kathy can let old dogs lie.

Tune in to The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Sundays at 10:00 pm ET/PT only on Bravo.

For more information on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, go to http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey, where you can see photos from tonight’s episode, read cast blogs, watch unseen footage and full episodes online.

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Love TV, movies, and books--mostly mysteries, with a good love story thrown in every now and then. I have four adopted dogs who I adore. I love trying new recipes, and enjoy eating what I make. English language perfectionist. Reading in bed, Italian food, warm weather, the beach, all types of games = favs!