Recap/Review: The Real Housewives of New Jersey, S3, E15 - "Black as Ink"

Air Date: Sunday, August 28, 2011, 10:00 pm ET/PT on Bravo

Rating: ★★★★★

Recap/Review: The Real Housewives of New Jersey, S3, E15 - "Black as Ink" 1

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Jacqueline Laurita, Teresa Giudice, Caroline Manzo, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga -- Photo by: Tommy Garcia/Bravo

As the drama between Ashley and Jacqueline dies down momentarily, it picks back up between the Giudices and the Gorgas. This time though, it’s the two Joes who are going at it. But let me tell you what’s going on with the rest of the housewives first…

Chris and Albie Manzo, family friend Gianluca, and Caroline’s nephew Joey trek to Caroline’s mother’s old home which the Manzo boys are now using as their office. Chris Laurita, Caroline’s brother and Jacqueline’s husband, has begun a product development company called “New Star,” and he’s asked Chris, Albie and Joey to be a part of it. Caroline is nervous for them, yet proud at the same time. What mother wouldn’t be?

Chris Laurita, along with the Manzo boys, meet with a prospective client – two sisters whom Chris L. and Albie met at a food show in New York – whose Canadian-based water company will be the first client for New Star if they sign them. The product is water – black water in a very sophisticated sleek black bottle. I’m not sure what makes the water black and whether it tastes any different from any other bottled water on the market. Albie is concerned his brother isn’t experienced enough (“All he knows how to do is sell eggplant rollatini”) to help land this client, but Chris proves him wrong. He jumps right in and does a fabulous job of selling New Star to the sisters. Now the Manzo boys get to travel, selling the water on college campuses. Should be right up their alley, especially for the handsome Albie…*wink wink*

As the Wakiles get ready for Rich’s birthday party (Teresa and Joe aren’t going) at Aladdin, a Middle Eastern restaurant, Rich asks Kathy how things went at her tasting party last week with Teresa. She tells him about the restaurant Teresa and Joe are planning to open. “I can’t believe Juicy Juice still has it in him,” Rich responds. There’s another glimpse into Rich’s comical side, which he adopted when he first came to America as a young boy and didn’t know the language. It’s not the first time a person has turned to comedy to cover their ignorance.

When they get to Aladdin’s, the drinks are flowing, hookas are all over, and belly dancers are doing their thing. But it appears Rich is a little put out when Chris Laurita and Joey Gorga want to know where the pasta is. Or maybe it’s Kathy when she comments during camera time, “Rich always seems to bust out with those Italian jokes. Especially when he’s surrounded by Italians. Some people tell it to you straight, and some people kiss your ass. Richie ain’t kissing your ass.” Everyone seems to be loosening up though when they start taking tokes on the hooka. Actually, they’re getting high and having a very good time! What is strange to me is Melissa’s explanation of the scar on her back, courtesy of open heart surgery at the age of seven. “They wanted to cut me down my chest, but my mother fought with them because I’m a woman, thank God, and she made them cut me [indicates her back]… I’m one of the second people in the world to ever have this cut in my back.” I probably wouldn’t have believed Melissa had Kathy not stepped in, commenting, “And when she came out of the hospital, she was dancing and singing.”

I want to take a moment here and comment on the belly dancers – well, one in particular. The woman in blue has quite a tummy there. I always thought belly dancers had great abs considering the amount of moving and shaking they do. Of course I could be wrong; it wouldn’t be the first time. One of my colleagues told me she thought the jiggling bellies add to the performance. At any rate, it doesn’t seem to matter to Rich and Joey because they join the dancers on the floor. Joey even ties his shirt tails up over his belly! It’s all in good fun though as the ladies also join in. Except for Caroline and Lauren. They’re definitely not the type.

Melissa also tells Joey what happened at the tasting party, especially how negative Teresa’s been since she brought her girls over for a play date and learned about Melissa’s studio and being handled by Soul Diggaz. I think Joey makes an intelligent observation when he explains to Melissa what his sister needs to do in life to be happy: “If she would just accept that other people do well in life, she would be great. If she can learn to be happy for somebody, there’d be no problems.”

The guys from Soul Diggaz go over to Teresa’s where they meet her sisters, Kym and Lysa. Soul Diggaz is there to help Melissa “make some magic,” as she puts it. Shaunbless, Co-CEO of Soul Diggaz, tells her “That was horrible. Do it one more time” when she starts singing. Thankfully, she seems to nail it the third time around and everyone starts dancing and singing along. What I really found funny was the clip of Melissa as a young girl, singing and dancing on the family coffee table. She was quite the little show-off even then.

Teresa and Jacqueline compare what they plan to wear to the grand opening of Lauren’s new business, Face. I got a good chuckle out of the faux fur Teresa shows off. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a full length pink and purple fur coat before! Who the hell buys something like that? It makes perfect sense though when Teresa comments, “You know me; I have to stand out.” The look on Teresa’s face, when she learns the dress Jacqueline plans to wear only cost $55, is one of total shock, which belies her comment, “Ooh, I like it even better.” Fake! Shame on you, Teresa! When Jacqueline tells Teresa about the good time everyone had at Rich’s birthday party, I’m a bit surprised by what Teresa says during camera time. “Jacqueline and Caroline, they’re really my friends. I know like they’re not going to jump ship, but if they do – bye bye!” Is Teresa really that childish? Or is it just low self-esteem? Teresa wants to know if Ashley is going to come on their trip to Punta Cana in a few weeks. Given the state of affairs between Jacqueline and Ashley, it’s highly doubtful. Right now, until Ashley leaves in a few weeks, she and Jacqueline are tip-toeing around each other.

It’s the night of Lauren’s grand opening and all the housewives plus adult kids show up, along with lots of friends and prospective customers. At least Ashley came through with the tee shirt design and shirts Lauren wanted. I have to give Jacqueline credit for hugging Ashley and telling her how proud she is. Given the fights they’ve been having, I don’t think I would have done the same.

Teresa takes the baby and Milania food shopping and explains, “We cook very healthy food…not a lot of ingrediences. That’s really what I’m really about and it makes me feel good ‘cause that’s what I grew up eating. And now that’s what I cook for my children.” I don’t know what I’m laughing harder about – the word “ingrediences” or the fact that Teresa puts Eggos® and frozen ‘pigs in a blanket’ in her cart. If she likes to cook healthy for the girls, why doesn’t she cook those items herself instead of buying frozen? After all, frozen is laden with all kinds of preservatives. What a phony Teresa is! In the middle of shopping, Teresa decides to call Joey and invite him to her upcoming book signing, which he agrees to attend. While Teresa’s on the phone, Milania climbs all over the refrigerated shelves and even falls in! And then climbs back up on the shelves after Teresa helps her out, despite Teresa telling her not to. So riddle me this – why does Teresa thank Milania for being such a good girl!? I think she needs a lesson in the English language.

I don’t get what Joe Giudice’s problem is. He texts Joey and tells him “and [his] fake wife” not to come to Teresa’s book signing. He even threatens Joey, saying he’ll break Joey’s jaw if he and Melissa show up! It is so wrong of Joe to do this. I’m sure Teresa will be heartbroken if and when she finds out. All the good work she and Joey have done to mend their relationship could be brought down by Joe’s idiocy. Neither I nor Joey understands what Joe has against him. Melissa explains it’s all Teresa’s doing from when they were younger. She’s the one who made Joe hate Joey by putting them in constant competition. Now it looks like Joey isn’t going to the book signing. “I’m done; I can’t do it anymore. I gotta stop ‘cause one day, one day, I’m gonna get crazy…one day I’m gonna snap.”

As Teresa heads over to Mendham Books, where she’ll be signing copies of her cookbook, “Skinny Italian,” she calls Joey to remind him she’s looking forward to seeing him and Melissa. The hours drag on and still no Joey. How ironic the only people to show are the ones Teresa is still fighting with – her cousin Kathy and husband Rich. Kathy even has a copy of the book she asks Teresa to sign. But lo and behold, just as Teresa is about to walk out the door, Joey and Melissa arrive. At least they showed up to support her. That’s more than I can say for her husband! It’s a nice touch when Joey buys ten copies of the cookbook and asks her to autograph one for him. When Teresa finishes and tearfully reads the inscription aloud as Joey asks her to do, he finally tells her about the threats he received from Joe. You can see the puzzled look on Teresa’s face, even though she makes a feeble attempt at defending Joe.

Back at Teresa’s, family and friends have gathered in celebration. Joe is so drunk he chips a tooth when he attempts a hand stand (or something) on Gia’s gym mat. The real fun, if that’s what you can call it, starts when Teresa questions Joe about the threats and he offers to get his phone so she can read the texts. But Joe hands the phone to John, a family friend, who says, “Let me just do this. I’m gonna paraphrase a little bit. I don’t think I need to read all the texts. The main point is Joe was trying to make a point about him going to Teresa’s book signing and then Joey calls him a stupid ass.” What? Why didn’t John read the threats Joe made to Joey? And what’s up with Joe calling Joey a “fa**ot?” Who says that? I bet Bravo VP Andy Cohen was pissed when he heard that! Joe continues to tell Teresa all the grievances he has against Joey, stemming all the way back to before they got married up to the present, again bringing up the christening which opened this season. Talk about holding grudges! Joe is the king! And then he threatens Teresa to not to take sides with her brother against him. I feel sorry for Teresa when Joe says, “I never even friggin’ liked the kid anyway. I don’t give a crap – we’ll fight til the end of time.” This isn’t over, not by a long shot.

Tune in to The Real Housewives of New Jersey Sundays at 10:00 pm ET/PT only on Bravo.

For more information on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, go to http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey, where you can see photos from tonight’s episode, read cast blogs, watch unseen footage and full episodes online.

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Linda

Love TV, movies, and books--mostly mysteries, with a good love story thrown in every now and then. I have four adopted dogs who I adore. I love trying new recipes, and enjoy eating what I make. English language perfectionist. Reading in bed, Italian food, warm weather, the beach, all types of games = favs!