Schmidt As A Baby Daddy? Say It Ain’t So! Review: New Girl “Kids” »

Air Date: Tuesday, April 18, 2012, 9/8c on Fox

RATING: ★★★★★

“I can’t stop thinking what a Schmidt baby would be like.” – Cece

Who knew Nick was dating a child himself? He's barking up the wrong tree.

“Kids” is just about that—kids. Whether it’s the adults who act like them, the tween Jess (Zooey Deschanel) watches for her boyfriend Russell (Dermot Mulroney), or the one Cece (Hannah Simone) thinks she may be pregnant with, the laughs are in full force as the episode rolls along and I almost wish the half hour stretched out to an hour. Almost.

Observations and thoughts:

Jess gets stuck watching Russell’s daughter Sara (Analisse Basso), which ends on a somewhat strange note. I’m not sure why this is supposed to be a funny plot device, but it works. The kids on New Girl are always funny. I can’t even tell you how hard I laughed during “Bells” earlier on in the season. The casting department does a great job selecting young actors with amazing comedic skill. Seeing Sara come into the hallway with a pillow under her shirt singing “you pregnant, you pregnant” made me almost pee my pants. I wasn’t expecting it and I laughed my ass off. The writers are getting it right this time around.

Winston (Lamorne Morris) disappears for the day to chauffeur his boss Joe Napoli (Phil Hendrie) to an interview. Yawn. Trés boring and it pisses me off. The only black guy on the show ends up as a chauffeur for his boss? I don’t get it, don’t like it, and don’t understand the use of Morris as a man who’s so hard pressed to keep a job his character will do anything for his employer. I’m beginning to wonder why Morris is even on the show since he’s being treated like a second rate guest star. Give the man back his witty lines!

I was so sure Schmidt would keep Ouli out of the apartment. The guy's that good.

Schmidt (Max Greenfield) pretends to phone a girl but instead calls Nick (Jake Johnson) to piss off Cece. I don’t know why Nick plays along with Schmidt and answers his questions seriously. “Are you wearing something sexy?” Nick, looking down at his clothing responds, “You know, button down and jeans just like always.” Doesn’t Nick understand Schmidt’s doing his douche bag routine? I don’t really care because it’s hilarious. Nick is definitely the guy to call when trying to make someone jealous. He won’t blow your cover, that’s for sure. It’s one of the reasons I love watching Greenfield and Johnson interact. They have great comedic timing and always seem like genuine friends. Their scenes play out in a way that makes me feel like I’m eavesdropping on a real conversation. That’s great writing and acting.

Back to the maybe-baby business—isn’t Schmidty the sweetest? While I didn’t expect to see him acting so calm over the pregnancy scare, he surprises me and doesn’t become his usual douche bag self. He’s attentive, caring and genuine. Cece would be an idiot to break things off with him. I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to continue her sexual relationship with Schmidt but she has to see he is, by far, the best guy she’s come across in a long time.

Funny lines:

Jess: “But you’re using birth control, right?”

Cece: “Yeah. Of course. It’s just that Schmidt gets so athletic that birth control becomes like one of those plastic BBQ covers in a hurricane.”

Jess: “I didn’t want to know that.”

Schmidt: “They say that I needed a magnum sized diaper.”

Nick to Winston: “All right, what’s with the suit? And if you say swing dancing, I’m gonna slap your face.”

Jess to Nick: “Please put on some pants. Everything you say sounds really creepy when you’re not wearing pants.”

Jess: “Hey, Schmidt you gonna stay for dinner? We’re gonna borrow your pasta maker.”

Schmidt: “Oh, that’s great. You gonna teach Sara your recipe for overcooked mush?”

Sara to Nick: “You’re eyes are so brown. They look like poop.”

Sara: “Have you done a 99?”

Jess: “I think that’s a tax form.”

Sara: “Have you ever given anyone plow traps?”

Jess: “I don’t know.”

Sara: “How do you make love to someone animal style?”

I'm still trying to figure out how Sara does this.

Guest star Jeanne Tripplehorn was an interesting addition to the show. She doesn’t show any inclination toward being funny, but she’s intimidating as Russell’s ex-wife, Ouli. Again, I don’t get the use of amazing actors in tiny, insignificant roles. Why not just bring back someone we’ve seen before or someone who’s actually funny to be… funny? Maybe the point was to show Ouli’s iciness in contrast to Jess’ goofiness. *shrug* Even with the few issues I have with “Kids,” I laughed more than I griped. I can’t wait to see what the writers of New Girl have in store for us next. I’m definitely going to have to remember not to drink anything while watching because this show is a choking hazard.

Tune in to New Girl, Tuesdays at 9/8c on Fox. For more on the show, visit http://www.fox.com/new-girl/.

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